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The last thing that most people expect is that they will run out of reasons to live. But if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, you need to know that you're not alone. By some estimates, as many as one in six people will become seriously suicidal at some point in their lives.
Fortunately, most people do not act on their suicidal thoughts. Crises pass and problems are solved. But sometimes thoughts lead to self-harm.
Did you know that youth suicide has been the cause of death higher than youth homicide? Statistics show that every 100 SECONDS, a youth commits suicide.
If one person reads this and was contemplating suicide, but then after reading this page changes their mind, then I will be extremely happy.
Suicidal people often feel overwhelmed, like no one cares, like the pain will never go away. But suicide isn't the answer. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you feel overwhelmed, sit back and think for a minute. Think everything through. Prioritize everything that is on your mind, try to solve the problems that you can. If you feel like no one cares, remember that at least one person cares. If no one else does, *I* care. Even though I have no idea who you are, I care about you. And obviously you care or else you would never be seeking help. Pain always goes away, sometimes faster than others. Think about it this way. When you go in for surgery, it hurts afterwards, right? But the pain eventually goes away. Sometimes it takes hours, days, or even years but eventually the pain will disappear.
If your still not convinced that suicide isn't the answer, think about your family and friends. The pain that you thought was so unbearable will now be transferred to them, even worse. Even if you don't see all the love, it's there. Everyone has someone that loves them, even if you can't see it.
WARNING SIGNS OF SUICIDE
- Abrupt changes in personality
- Giving away possessions
- Previous suicide attempt
- Ending of a romance
- Inability to tolerate frustration
- Use of drugs and/or alcohol
- Eating disturbances, significant weight changes
- Sleeping disturbances
- Withdrawal
- Unwillingness or inability to communicate
- Sexual promiscuity
- Depression
- Extreme or extended boredom
- Inability to concentrate
- Accident prone (carelessness)
- Unusually long grief reaction
- Unusual sadness, discouragement and loneliness
- Hostile behavior
- Neglect of academic work
- Neglect of personal appearance
- Family disruptions - divorce, trauma, losing loved one
- Running away from home or truancy from school
- Rebelliousness - reckless behavior
- Withdrawal from activities that they love
HOW TO PREVENT SUICIDE
It is a myth that suicide can't be prevented. It can. QPR is one technique that can help. QPR stands for "Question", "Persuade", and "Refer". Much like CPR or the Heimlich maneuver, the fundamentals of QPR are easily learned. And like CPR and the Heimlich maneuver, the application of QPR may save a life. The more people who are trained in this technique, the more lives that will be saved.
Research shows that the great majority of those who attempt suicide give some signal first. Yet those in a position to do something about it are often reluctant to get involved. Sometimes, because the thought of death is frightening, we deny the person may be suicidal. Overcoming the denial is an important step.
People who are thinking about suicide, are not necessarily being irrational. They look at it as a solution to their problems. What we have to do is make them realize there are other solutions.
Before applying QPR, you have to recognize the warning signs of suicide:
Direct Verbal Clues:
"I've decided to kill myself"
"I wish I were dead"
"I'm going to commit suicide"
"If such and such doesn't happen, I'll kill myself"
Indirect or coded verbal cues:
"I'm tired of life"
"What's the point of going on"
"My family would be better off without me"
"Who cares if I'm dead"
"I can't go on anymore"
"I just want out"
"You would be better off without me"
"Nobody needs me anymore"
Behavioral Clues:
Donating body to medical school
Buying a gun
Stockpiling pills
Putting business affairs in order
Changing a will
Situational Clues:
Sudden rejection or unexpected separation
Death of someone close (esp. by suicide)
Diagnosis of terminal illness
Anticipated loss of financial security of personal freedom
Sudden happiness in a depressed person may be signal of suicide
Wishing to be dead is a frequent symptom of untreated depression.
Since depression saps energy and purpose, sometimes the depressed person is 'too tired' to carry out a suicide plan. However, as the depression finally begins to lift, the person may suddenly feel 'well enough' to act. As strange as it sounds, once someone decides to end his or her suffering by suicide, the hours before death are often filled with a blissful calm.
(This sudden change in appearance is a good time to apply QPR)
If someone is contemplating suicide, keep them sober. People who take their lives have to pass a psychological barrier before they act. This final wall of resistance is what keeps many seriously suicidal people alive. Alcohol dissolves this wall and is found in the blood of most completed suicides. If someone is contemplating suicide, keep them sober.
The first step to preventing suicide is to Question.
Get the person alone or in a private setting and ask the person is they are contemplating suicide. A crowded restaurant is a bad place to do this. Your own home may be a good one. Ask questions that acknowledge the individuals distress. Questions like, "Have you been unhappy lately?" "Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and not wake up?" Or you can ask directly, "Do you want to stop living".
Asking the suicide question does not increase risk.
Giving a 'yes' answer to these questions is often a release for the individual. It makes them feel better, not worse. The suicide question is now on the table for discussion. But that also means you have obligations you did not have a minute ago.
After asking the Question, you have to listen
Listen for the problems death by suicide would solve.
Listening is the greatest gift one human can give to another. Advice tends to easy, quick, cheap and wrong. Listening takes time, patience, courage, but is always right. Give your full attention and don't interrupt. Do not judge or condemn. Listen for the problems death by suicide would solve.
The second step is to Persuade the individual to get help.
The goal of persuasion is to get the person to say 'yes', they will get help. Ask the following questions: "Will you go with me to see a counselor (priest, minister, nurse, etc.)?", "Will you let me help you make an appointment with....", "Will you promise me...."
Sometimes people will agree to get help and not get it or resist the idea of getting help. So you may want to make a "no-suicide" contract: a promise not to hurt oneself until help is gotten." Because making a promise appeals to our honor, and agreeing to stay safe relieves our suffering, the answer is almost always, yes.
If the answer is 'no', the individual is probably a "danger to self or others' and can (should) be involuntarily committed so they can access professional help. Call 911. Remind the person that there are better alternatives than suicide. Focus on other solutions to problems, not the suicide solution. Accept the reality of the person's pain and offer alternatives. Offer hope in any form and in any way.
Remove firearms, car keys, medications, knives, and other instruments which may be used to commit suicde. By restricting access to the means of suicide you buy time for another solution to be found. Removing the means to suicide is, in itself, an act of hope.
The final step is QPR is to make a Referral
Get the person to get help. Call AMI/FAMI for sources of referrals. Go with them. The best referrals are when you personally take the person you are worried about to provider or appropriate professionals. If you are making a referral, don't worry about being disloyal, you are trying to save a life. Don't worry about breaking a trust or not having enough info to call for help. This gets in the way of helping.
Suggestions for Survivors
1. Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
3. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings are normal.
4. Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy, your are in mourning.
5. Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It's okay to express it.
6. You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, through forgiveness.
7. Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those thoughts.
8. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time.
9. Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.
10. Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
11. Give yourself time to heal.
12. Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.
13. Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.
14. Try to put off major decisions.
15. Give yourself permission to get professional help.
16. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
17. Be patient with yourself and others who may not understand.
18. Set your own limits and learn to say no.
19. Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
20. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional to start one.
21. Call on your personal faith to help you through.
22. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.
23. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
24. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting.
25. Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.
